She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
