eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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