Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
