her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think your dad took our porno
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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