All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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