Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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