with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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