I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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