My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
