It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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