His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
