i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
