i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Even my vagina gasped.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
