bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
