she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
sex in a hospital.. check
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
