Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
