he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
