Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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