I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
