Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
