shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
