We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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