So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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