remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
