this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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