Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
