it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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