I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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