i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
