woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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