Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
