can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
