I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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