life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
