we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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