Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
