He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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