but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
