Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
