so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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