i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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