I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
