My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
