that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to sanitize my soul.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
