You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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