Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
