i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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