Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
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It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize