My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
