you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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