I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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