Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
