Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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