I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
