She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
