Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
