Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just invented taco cereal.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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