She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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