He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
