I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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